You sell one to reduce your capital charge, decontent the other from all the meat and force it to produce milk for three cows. You claim your increased quality as a reason for a price increase. If no one buys, you pay an incentive. If you are short of money, you book the incentive against the warranty accrual.
A Japanese Farmer: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce 20 times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' that you market worldwide. A German Farmer: You have two cows. You reengineer them so they live for years, eat once a month, and milk themselves. An Italian Farmer: You have two cows but you don't know where they are.
You break for lunch. A Russian Farmer: You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka. A Mexican Farmer: You think you have two cows, but you don't know what a cow looks like. You take a nap. A Swiss Farmer: You have 5, cows, none of which belongs to you.
You charge for storing them for others. A Brazilian Farmer: You have two cows.
You enter into a partnership with an American corporation. Soon you have cows and the American corporation declares bankruptcy. A Chinese Farmer: You have two cows. You have people milking them. You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity. You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.
A Serbian Farmer: Your farm had two cows, both were stolen during the war.
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They are still in your books and you have to pay taxes for them. During privatization you could sell them to an investment fond from Cyprus. Now you import milk from Cyprus at world market prices and sell them for double the money to the EU.
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You build an administrative headquarter for your milk business worth 5 million Euro. A Montenegrin Farmer: You had tow cows. Five years ago you forgot about them and they died of hunger. Now you claim EU subsidies for the milk for the last five years. You do not get it, but use the proceeds to buy a motorcycle for your three-year old son. A Taliban: You have two cows. You turn them loose in the Afghan "countryside" and they both die.
You blame the godless American infidels. Enron Capitalism: You have two cows.
Peter Gfader – Beyond Agility
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt-equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred through an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The Enron annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. An Iraqi Farmer: Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none. An Australian Farmer: You have two cows. Business seems pretty good. You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate. A New Zealand Farmer: You have two cows. The one on the left looks very attractive.
An unemployed man goes to apply for a job with Microsoft as a janitor. The manager there arranges for him to take an aptitude test Section: floors, sweeping, and cleaning. Let me have your e-mail address, so that I can send you a form to complete and tell you where to report for work on your first day.
To this the MS manager replies, "Well, then, that means that you virtually don't exist and can therefore hardly expect to be employed. Within less than two hours, he sells all the tomatoes individually at percent profit. And thus it dawns on him that he could quite easily make a living selling tomatoes. Getting up early every day and going to bed late, he multiplies his profits quickly. After a short time he acquires a cart to transport several dozen boxes of tomatoes, only to have to trade it in again so that he can buy a pickup truck to support his expanding business. By the end of the second year, he is the owner of a fleet of pickup trucks and manages a staff of formerly unemployed people, all selling tomatoes.
Planning for the future of his wife and children, he decides to buy some life insurance. Consulting with an insurance adviser, he picks an insurance plan to fit his new circumstances. At the end of the telephone conversation, the adviser asks him for his e-mail address in order to send the final documents electronically. When the man replies that he has no e-mail, the adviser is stunned, "What, you don't have e-mail? How on earth have you managed to amass such wealth without the Internet, e-mail, and e-commerce?
Just imagine where you would be now, if you had been connected to the Internet from the very start! After a moment of thought, the tomato millionaire replied, "Why, of course! I would be a floor cleaner at Microsoft! My advice to you is to start drinking heavily. A businessman was in a great deal of trouble.
As a last resort he went to a priest and poured out his story of tears and woe. When he had finished, the priest said, "Here's what I want you to do: Put a beach chair and your Bible in your car and drive down to the beach. Take the beach chair and the Bible to the water's edge, sit down in the beach chair, and put the Bible in your lap. Open the Bible; the wind will rifle the pages, but finally the open Bible will come to rest on a page.
Look down at the page and read the first thing you see. That will be your answer, that will tell you what to do. A year later the businessman went back to the priest and brought his wife and children with him. The man was in a new custom-tailored suit, his wife in a mink coat, the children shining.
The businessman pulled an envelope stuffed with money out of his pocket, gave it to the priest as a donation in thanks for his advice.
The priest recognized the benefactor, and was curious. The woman below replied, "You are in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You are between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude. Frankly, you've not been much help so far. You have risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault.
You go up to her and say, "I'm fantastic in bed. You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous woman. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says, "He's fantastic in bed. You see a gorgeous woman at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day you call and say, "Hi, I'm fantastic in bed. You're at a party and see a gorgeous woman. You get up and straighten your tie, walk up to her and pour her a drink. You open the door for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her a ride, and then say, "By the way, I'm fantastic in bed.
She walks up to you and says, "I hear you're fantastic in bed. Management by helicopter: get down, make lot of noise, get away fast by champignon: leave everything in the dark, throw manure, cut the heads that stick out by Robinson: everyone waits for Friday by Ping-Pong: kick back and back till the task is gone by daisy: decisions made as: shall I, shall I not..
Best when kicked to the other team. If not possible, kick to someone in your own team. Best kick if it gets down with the other team. Avoid to have it fell down with your team, absolutely avoid that it falls down with you. How to properly place new employees 1 Put bricks in a closed room. Put your new hires in the room and close the door. Leave them alone and come back after 6 hours. Then analyze the situation: If they are counting the bricks, put them in the Accounting Department.
If they are recounting them, put them in Auditing. If they have messed up the whole place with the bricks, put them in Engineering. If they are arranging the bricks in some strange order, put them in Planning. If they are throwing the bricks at each other, put them in Operations. If they are sleeping, put them in Security.
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Butters is an up-and-coming child actress who has appeared in projects like Transparent and American Housewife. Mike Moh as Bruce Lee - Lee is an iconic actor, director, and martial artist, who appeared in numerous films and TV shows until his death in Vaccaro is an Academy Award-nominated actress who rose to prominence in the late s as well as throughout the s in films like Where It's At and Once Is Not Enough. Madsen has starred in big productions like Die Another Day over the years, but he is known for being a longtime Tarantino collaborator, having appeared in Reservoir Dogs , both Kill Bill films, and The Hateful Eight.
Clifton Collins Jr. Collins Jr. She was also the heiress to the Folger coffee empire. Robinson is known for her theatre work but has also appeared in various British programs such as Shameless and Five Days. Zawierucha portrays Polanski, though he may not be immediately recognizable to Western audiences due to his roles in mostly Polish films.
Nicholas Hammond as Sam Wanamaker - Wanamaker was an actor and director who helmed numerous projects from the s to the s, but is known for fleeing the United States out of fear of being blacklisted. Willis plays the actress in the early stages of her career, and she's primarily known for appearing on Dancing With The Stars as well as Empire. Clu Gulager as a book store owner - Gulager appears for a very short scene as a bookstore owner. Tags: once upon a time in hollywood.
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